Kendal touring…

Sitting in a noisy pub in Kendal. I’m glued to the silent screen watching Leeds United’s play-off hopes recede into the distance. Loud pop songs are the soundtrack to my angst. Cheery, boozy locals, oblivious to another tribe’s pain, are singing along having a great time. You have to shout to order a drink.

A bruiser in his 40’s, boss eyed, grabs my arm and sings into my ear:

“I lost my leg to the navy.
My arm to the army.
My cock to the butcher.
Who smothered it with gravy.”

I check to see he has the body parts named in case this is a biographical shanty. No. All present and correct. Should I sing back to him? What’s the local custom to such a greeting? Was this a hit song that I missed ? Pop Idol perhaps ? I smile and nod sagely at him thinking if he attacks, strike hard and strategically then run for it. I clearly don’t give him the correct response and he moves on.

This pub makes me realise what a freak I am.
I hardly ever drink, so pubs make me feel like I’m wearing a very starched suit in a nudist camp. The rare times I do take intoxicants I want things that blast me out of this reality, utterly, down the wormhole to the space where Jodie Foster looks out of the space ship window in awe and stammers, “They should have sent a poet.” I don’t do…this.
People here are having a rum time caterwauling pop song chorus’s to each other. I feel like a snob. Yet “Sit Down” would go down well in this room. Dermot O’Leary is right, there’s a place for this music. The people who made it, they do the same job I do, but I don’t feel of their world. I guess it comes down to intention.

I have a great problem. This band I’m in are already wonderful and when we know what we’re doing we will be fabulous. I didn’t expect it to be this good. How am I going to fit this in to my crazy busy life with James and be with my loving family ? Thank God for Skype but where’s the app that allows smell, touch….. Get a move on Steve Jobs. Star Treck NOW!
My wife ,son and I gaze longingly at each other through the portal of our computers. Willing ourselves through the looking glass down the rabbit hole. You can look but don’t touch.
Nil-Nil. The bruiser grabs my arm and shouts into my ear. “ Come on lets get out of here and go to the Oddfellow Arms.”
“Too late. I’m already there mate.”

16 Comments to Kendal touring…

  1. Gary's Gravatar Gary
    Apr 24, 2011 at 12:41 pm | Permalink

    Hi Tim,

    Great blog entry as ever. One I can relate to as well, being thousands of miles away from my family and friends whilst traveling Australia, although I’m not married with kids as you are.

    Skype is good. It’s even better when you can get a good internet connection!

    I’ve got a mouse in my camper van at the moment. don’t know where it’s gone. It was a huge huntsman spider the other night. All good fun.

    Enjoy the touring, regret not being able to attend. Love the new album.

    Take care Tim :)

  2. Simon's Gravatar Simon
    Apr 24, 2011 at 1:58 pm | Permalink

    Just a dorky comment here. Do you not both use Macs? If so, image quality on iChat is far superior to Skype. And my son enjoys all the image affects you can use whilst talking.

  3. Rick Lawton's Gravatar Rick Lawton
    Apr 24, 2011 at 3:26 pm | Permalink

    Aboloutely LOVED Wednesday.Brilliant & glad U found that Tamborine!:)Had a brilliant Day.:)
    Looking forward to walking round Paphos with ‘Love Life’ in my ears this Summer.As for Pubs I’m an expert!:)U want to see my Local!!It’s like Phoenix Nights!!!!!
    Sorry about Leeds!!I’m an Everton Fan & luckily have patience & a sense of humour!!!
    Thanks again for making my Summer & looking forward to getting that Special Edition sometime before Christmas!:)I thought Saul was on one too!BRAVO Tim.

  4. Apr 24, 2011 at 3:36 pm | Permalink

    disturbed by superfluous *c* in star trek. Live long and prosper \\//__

  5. Ian's Gravatar Ian
    Apr 24, 2011 at 4:21 pm | Permalink

    Hi Tim,

    Looking forward to seeing you tonight at THE GLEE CLUB in B’ham. Love the album.


  6. julie's Gravatar julie
    Apr 24, 2011 at 7:51 pm | Permalink

    how can you llose a mouse in a campervan? looking forward to the leeds gig and seeing Mr booth!

  7. nic's Gravatar nic
    Apr 24, 2011 at 7:56 pm | Permalink

    hmm i am thinking that the bruiser was the ”Oddfellow” :/ . . . . .i met a few odd ppl once at the Bingley festival . . . .I understand that could make u feel more lonely – BUT at least u do have skype, something that wasnt about when u first started gigging . And u got to watch Leeds, And on the tour u get to meet us loverly lot 😉

    I really enjoyed Manchester . . . .

    Hope u enjoy the rest of the tour guys !

    love nic (daisy jackson)

  8. sally's Gravatar sally
    Apr 25, 2011 at 1:06 pm | Permalink

    Hi Tim,

    Sorry you have a problem, and i wish i had an easy answer, the only thing i know is that the Kendal gig was absolutely great, the new stuff played so well live, and great to hear the Bone material. The band were fantastic as well. I want to see and hear more. I also love James, especially in the recent incarnation, and live you are peerless, so not helping here. Please find a way to do it all. I am going to do my bit by buying several copies of Love Life and give them to everyone i know loves music as it is a brilliant album that wont get the credit you deserve.
    One thing though, sitting at the next table in the restaurant was fine, seeing you at the gig fantastic, but then turning up at the same hotel was a bit close to stalking, just for future reference,
    Many thanks for a great time, sally xx

  9. Lou Purplefairy's Gravatar Lou Purplefairy
    Apr 25, 2011 at 6:36 pm | Permalink

    When I can’t see those I love more than life itself, I have to go outside and look up at the sky. If its daytime, I know that they are under the same sun that I’m under, even if its overcast and grey. If its dark, I gaze longingly at the stars and the moon and send my love skywards, hoping and willing it to bounce off the celestial bodies and hit my loved ones square in the heart with a shower of kisses. It comforts me and takes away those shards of glass that permeate my heart in forced separation.
    Sometimes, we have to be separate. Its a shit, but its a necessary pain to remind us that we are truly alive and our fleshy hearts pump blood and emotions round our primative brains, but our souls which never dim, always stay connected on that big old magic psychic cosmic “internet superhighway” that most people ignore. Well thats what I tell myself. It gets me thru the day and keeps the thought police away, and makes the hurt almost bearable. Loved singing with you last night. You made a dream come true for me that I never in my wildest imagination thought would ever manifest.
    Now, that’s real magic.
    Thank you :)

  10. Tim's Gravatar Tim
    Apr 25, 2011 at 7:48 pm | Permalink


    I loved Glasgow & Kendal. This band are so good – please find a way to fit it all in and don’t leave it another 7 years.
    I’m going to take singing lessons in case you pass me the mike again !!

    Love Life

  11. Sue Shone's Gravatar Sue Shone
    Apr 25, 2011 at 8:52 pm | Permalink

    From a purely selfish point of view you must find a way to make it work – you weave a magic that helps to make so many of us very happy. Your voice and the band were on fantastic form when we saw you in Kendal – it was one of the best gigs I’ve been to, up there with my favourite (Patti Smith). Such a lovely intimate venue too. Loved it, Love life x

  12. Phil Bayliss's Gravatar Phil Bayliss
    Apr 25, 2011 at 9:54 pm | Permalink

    Hi Tim,
    I travelled up from Plymouth to see you at the Glee Club Birmingham. A big thank you for making the journey worthwhile. The band are superb and you are singing as well, if not better, than ever. It was a real treat to see you up so close and personal. Long may you continue.
    Phil x

  13. JEM's Gravatar JEM
    Apr 26, 2011 at 11:36 am | Permalink

    Know what you mean about watching football in pubs, as a non-drinker. My team Burnley just about blew it yesterday as well after making a last minute run for the play-offs. Looks like we’ll have to settle for the head-to-head on Saturday. Can you get from Leeds to Sheffield in time?

  14. Ian's Gravatar Ian
    Apr 26, 2011 at 9:14 pm | Permalink

    Hi Tim,
    I’m a Leeds fan too. In fact, I met you at a Leeds/Newcastle game in 2001. You were there as a guest of a journalist I knew. Sadly he has now passed away. He was upstairs working at halftime, you were having a coffee and looking at the halftime scores on the TV in the press room. Almost anonymously. Until I interrupted. Sorry about that. Hope you didn’t mind. Anyway, I tried to remind you of this brief encounter last year when I asked for your autograph at the Latitude Festival. I could tell you had no idea what I was going on about…lol….but I also have to admit I may have been under the influence of a pear cider at the time so forgive me.
    Anyway, I’m hoping to be there at the Leeds gig tomorrow night. Give us a nod if you see me and put two and two together! Love your music.

  15. Marc's Gravatar Marc
    Apr 27, 2011 at 12:18 pm | Permalink

    A blinding performance in Cambridge, so many great songs, loved Dannys toy instrument and glad Saul’s violin held out. The gig was so personal with you walking about as well, thanks for taking the time to talk to us after the gig.

  16. Jun 14, 2011 at 12:38 pm | Permalink

    Agree with Marc, a cracking performance in Cambridge and the song choice was perfect!

    Cant wait to come and see you again!

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